“I have had enough” says festering bucket of shit that ghostwrites for Katie Hopkins

“It all started out as a bit of fun and a chance to earn a few quid,” said the bucket after dramatically resigning from Hopkin’s employment yesterday afternoon.

“At the beginning it was so exciting to see what I could get away with – making all these ridiculously unpleasant statements for money. I mean, people actually thought a human being could genuinely have such little empathy for their fellow species. It was amazing.”

The bucket says it started ghostwriting for Hopkins in 2013, when she first joined The Sun as a weekly columnist.

“After three years it’s time to call an end to this charade,” said the bucket.

“Doing this repeatedly over the years has worn me out. I’m capable of so much better – and that’s a statement coming from a big bucket of bubbling liquid feces.”