Budget 2016: Osborne ringfences £3 for a can of WD-40 to ‘get Northern Powerhouse moving again’

“For those that fear our promises of investment in the Northern powerhouse have rusted shut, I have ringfenced an entire three pounds which will be invested in a 200ml can of WD-40,” said Osborne ahead of today’s budget statement.

“Not only will this help lubricate the moving parts of the Northern Powerhouse, but it will also provide people with a way of getting troublesome stickers off things, as well as protecting metal surfaces against moisture and other corrosive elements.”

“It’s a remarkably generous gesture at a time of continued austerity,” said one senior government minister, who took time out from his busy schedule of kicking disabled people out of their wheelchairs to comment.

“Hopefully he’ll balance out this extravagance with severe cuts to health, care for the elderly and tax credits. We don’t want to make the super rich anxious.”