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The Poke Guide to things Julian Assange might need explained to him

Congratulations! You’ve been in hiding long enough for the statute of limitations to have expired on most of the charges against you!

No longer will you have to live in the cramped, confined dankness of the, erm, Ecuadorian embassy!

You are finally free from the threat of persecution from the British security services, who have spent £11.1 million in protecting you around the clock for the last three years!

As you emerge, blinking, into the sunlight you may notice that things have changed while you were gone. It’s a brave, new world, full of surprising new things, and you have some trouble becoming acclimatised.

For instance, we no longer have a Tory government, we now have a really Tory government. There are even more Royals than there were when you went in.

To prevent you suffering unnecessarily, we here at The Poke have put together a handy guide to help you navigate the treacherous waters of 2015… By Nathaniel Tapley.

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