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The Wife Zone Explained

If you’ve been struggling to find a wife, you’re in luck because this new video will help you get there in less than six minutes.

This professor of desire (Dana McLendon, a pistol-packing lawyer from Tennessee) calls his fascinating (and offensive) tutorial the “Universal Hot Crazy Matrix.” It promises to provide “everything a young man needs to know about women.”

Here’s a quick learning: A woman who is hotter than an “8” and isn’t crazy at all isn’t actually a woman, she’s a “tranny.” A woman who is hotter than an “8” and only a little bit crazy doesn’t actually exist.

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Above the Fun Zone is the “Danger Zone,” which is where you find your classic stage-four clingers. “This includes your redheads, your strippers, anyone named Tiffany and hair dressers,” he says. “This is where your car gets keyed, you get a bunny in the pot, you’re tires get slashed and you end up in jail.”

Glad we cleared that up, men. Now go forth and use his insights to ruin society.

h/t Vocativ