‘All Women Are Shit’ Finds New Study By Bitter, Divorced Scientists

Science News: A new study by a group of angry scientists with broken marriages has found that all women are shit, and entirely to blame for all of society’s problems.

“The results are both shocking and wearily predictable,” said Dr. Frederik Trist-Alene of The University of York, who had recently signed divorce papers after fifteen years of marriage.

“Our combined research undisputably shows that all women are shit and that every one of the current problems of the world – war, famine, poor education and access to healthcare – can be linked directly back to women.”

“Women who simply don’t understand that spending long hours in a sterile laboratory doing vital research is for the good of humanity, while things like remembering anniversaries and spending so-called ‘quality time’ together does nothing for my academic standing and reputation.”

“You can’t argue with the facts, though my ex-wife’s lawyer would probably try.”