U.S Hopes To Pacify Iraq By Opening New Starbucks

World News: The U.S has announced plans to bring the fighting in Iraq to a swift end, by opening a new branch of the coffee chain Starbucks.

Well over a week after ISIS took over Mosul and started advancing toward Baghdad, President Obama announced plans to act.

“Iraq already has some coffee shops, but in a country of 31 million this isn’t clearly enough to satisfy the needs of people wanting to enjoy a freshly ground coffee or pastry, or just hang out and grab themselves a little bit of quiet time,” said Obama.

The President says he hopes the opening of a new Starbucks will halt the deterioration of the situation in Iraq and the emergence of a radical jihadi state in large parts of Iraq and Syria.

“The new Starbucks will also be accompanied by the arrival of 300 specially trained U.S ‘coffee ambassadors’ – who will spread the word about the new branch and answer any questions Iraqis have about cup sizes or coffee blends.”