Vince Cable Ceremonially Slices Off Finger To Prove Loyalty

Loyalty News: The business secretary has sliced off part of his little finger in order to prove his allegiance to Nick Clegg, in a ritual apology taken from Japanese organised crime.

“I insist that I played no part in the attempted leadership coup against Nick Clegg,” Cable solemnly told reporters this morning.

“But sometimes mere words are not enough. Actions must be taken, and so I will perform the yubitsume ceremony to prove my loyalty to my boss, the wise and infallible Clegg-san.”

Cable then laid out a small white handkerchief, placed his hand on top and cut off a portion of his little finger, which was later presented to the deputy Prime Minister in a bid to restore Cable’s honour.

“Every time Cable grips his pen he will be reminded of his lowly weakness,” said a spokesman. “And in a party of lowly weaklings like the Liberal Democrats, that’s really something.”