Millions To Politely Lie About Turkey Moistness This Christmas

Christmas News: Millions of people across the UK are already prepared to tell a barefaced lie about how moist and delicious the Christmas turkey is this year.

A recent survey by the Food Standards Agency has found that many people started to psychologically prepare themselves to lie about the turkey several months ago, in the hope that the lie will be even more convincing and won’t ruin Christmas.

“Every year Mum will say ‘This turkey is very moist, isn’t it?’ – it’s a dangerously loaded half-question, half statement,” said one man worried about how well he can bullshit his way through Christmas dinner again.

“Of course it’s not – it’s dry, chewy and awful – but I can’t tell my Mum that, I have to lie. Then I drink a large glass of water to try and wash the dried up clags of poultry out of my mouth.”

The Food Standards Agency has suggested alternative approaches for people not willing to tell a well meant, but ultimately gigantic, lie about the turkey this year.

“Quickly move the conversation onto something else, like how the sprouts are definitely not overcooked,” said a FSA spokesman. “Or try a more drastic approach, like choking on your own paper party hat.”