Death News: The government has outlined far reaching plans to kill everyone in the UK, through high energy prices, dismantling the NHS and crushing debt.

Recent reports say that winter deaths went up by nearly 30% last year, a figure the government claim is a ‘significant start’ in their plans to kill everybody.

“We’ve made a promising start in reducing the numbers of old and poor people by making fuel so expensive, but these are still early days in our plan to kill you all,” said a senior government spokesman.

“We shall now focus on the rest of the population, by removing healthcare and making existence so expensive we hope many people will just choose to kill themselves instead of ploughing through this shit for another year.”

The government says that anyone struggling through the winter months should seek urgent advice, from a noose.

► Our NEW Android friendly app - brings you our latest exclusives PLUS the funniest videos and pictures from the internet DAILY - in one place. images-1 ► Bargain Mug Of The Week from The Poke Shop image_16353_1_195315_1_38903_1_48_1_430727

Leave a Reply