Man Who Boasted About Finishing Christmas Shopping Found Beaten To Death

Commerce News: A man who loudly boasted to friends and colleagues about already having finished his Christmas shopping has been found dead, nobody was surprised to learn.

Robert Davis, 38, reportedly started ‘popping out for some Christmas things’ back in late September – and was seen regularly returning from his lunch hour with wrapping paper and boxes of RSPB Christmas cards.

“He sent an office-wide email asking about the Christmas party months ago,” said one co-worker, left completely un-stunned by the man’s death. “He even said something about ‘beating the Christmas shopping queues’ when Wimbledon was on. I’m surprisied I didn’t strangle him to death right there and then.”

To his family, the death comes as even less of a shock. “I’d like to say his death is a total surprise, but we all saw it coming,” said one relative.

“He glibly told us back in June that he’d already ordered his Christmas ham – how he made it alive this long is a mystery to me.”