Disgruntled neighbours are righting wrongs with passive-aggressive notes complaining about loud sex, defecating dogs, wifi and loud music. Here are 22 of the best.

1. ‘Your Bass Speakers Are Amazing’

[via]

2. Elevator grievance.

[via]

3. ‘To The People That Kept Us Up All Night’

[via]

4. Rowing over Wifi.

[via @westendproducer]

5. Dog poop dispute

[via]

6. ‘Here’s a recording of you having sex’

7. Spotted in Edinburgh

[via]

8. Bowling elephants

[via]

9. Finish Her!

[via]

10. Your picture here

[via]

11. Christmas Music complaint

[via]

12. A Friendly Haiku

13. Stealing Plants

14. Exocism

[via]

15. We do not like flute

[via]

16. No need to call the cops again

[via]

17. Old Lady!

[via]

18. I hope You drown.

19. Do Not trust the big cat

[via]

20. There is no lock

[via]

21. Smoking cat

22. ‘I don’t piss in your mouth for hours on end so please stop shitting in my ears’

[via]

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34 Responses

  • Chris Featherby

    Fecking brilliant! I had to put up with this for years…my crazy paranoid schizophrenic neighbour

    http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIWIVh6uj23SAIst6HyhRjQ

    September 24, 2013 at 2:24 pm
  • Brad

    In #11 – They misspelled bizarre.

    September 24, 2013 at 3:44 pm
  • Richard Mays

    A couple letters similar to these circulated a half way house I use to work at. Pretty funny stuff!

    September 25, 2013 at 1:51 am
  • Winsteauxn

    Regarding #17: I’ve never understood the neurotic who freaks out about what goes in their outdoor garbage cans. Granted, dog crap wouldn’t *improve* the smell, but garbage smells pretty awful already. I suspect these are the dissociative people who secretly just don’t like dogs but are afraid to confess it. Or maybe they’re just OC.

    September 25, 2013 at 5:57 am
  • Mr Fun

    @Winsteauxn – for me it depends if it’s an ‘open’ bag in the can. If it’s a can full of tied up bags, the shit will just smear all over the can when they’re tipped out. Also the cans are green which over here suggests a recycle bin. You get fined for putting food waste in them, ‘processed’ or not…

    September 25, 2013 at 2:41 pm
  • RiotBecky

    @Winsteauxn, they might be recycling bins and therefore having dog poop put in them would mean they would be refused by bin men.

    September 25, 2013 at 3:01 pm
  • Craig

    I left a curse I found in an HP Lovecraft story on my neighbor’s door once because he was a redneck asshole. They called the cops claiming I was an occultist and was threatening their life (nothing in the curse said anything like that). The cops laughed at them and said there’s such a thing as freedom of religion. They told him if he called again, they would arrest him for wasting their time. He never caused any more trouble and moved after a month (his lease didn’t run out for 4 more months).

    September 25, 2013 at 11:15 pm
  • krissy

    Got a letter once that said my friends should be put into specialized institutions back during college lol.

    September 26, 2013 at 4:32 am
  • omz

    wow brad you found a typo! congratulations! you are so smart and clever, and all the humor in this article just died for me, given there is a TYPO! that is a shocking sin i just cannot look past!

    douche bag.

    September 26, 2013 at 6:27 am
  • Mungo

    Terribly British, everyone too scared to confront the offender(s) face-to-face :)

    1. & 3. FTW

    September 26, 2013 at 9:45 am
  • Alfredo

    Well nice sense of humor

    September 26, 2013 at 2:40 pm
  • Invalidpswrd

    The suburbs are brimming with quiet empty houses. These are all petty complaints made by extremely entitled people who have simply outgrown urban life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of really, it’s just part of getting old. The kids are alright. That doesn’t take from the hilarity most of these.

    September 26, 2013 at 8:44 pm
  • Jude Iscariot

    Most of these are dumb, and I’d dare any neighbor that left them to do any of it. And if any neighbor ever left my gf and I note about sex noises, I’d tell them they were just jealous.

    September 26, 2013 at 10:57 pm
  • Sertorius

    Some of those notes are brilliant while some are most pathetic examples of Western cowardice. Above all #1 (“Your bass speakers are amazing”). Does anyone seriously believe that young arrogant punks who play loud music at night, unconcerned about other people’s sleep, would after the lecture of that note become ashamed and start taking consideration of their neighbours? Don’t be silly, they’ll be like “wow, we’re so cool”, and forget about it the next moment. People like that need something like #15 or #17, and even that might not help.

    September 27, 2013 at 9:18 am
  • Brian O

    I know bad neighbors are very annoying. Some of these letters threaten physical contact, which is not good and probably not legal depending on where you live.

    September 27, 2013 at 5:57 pm
  • jana

    If they have a problem with you putting the dog poop in their garbage can, just toss it in their yard instead. Of course if its already placed in a nice bag first.

    September 27, 2013 at 7:32 pm
  • viola toner

    I thought I was the only person in the USA that felt the same as these people I believe in note writing because the person on the receiving end wouldnt like being told this in person. So the writer lets the whole world know and embarrass them.

    September 29, 2013 at 4:53 pm
  • Deebers

    Deary me. There really are some very dry replies on here aren’t there? Can’t you see that people are trying to diffuse obviously difficult situations with HUMOUR? I guess you’re psychoanalists who take things on face value and have to dissect it. Goodness sake – get out more!

    September 30, 2013 at 12:39 pm
  • Terri

    I had to clean up after my neighbors dog. I just flinged in onto their house! I couldn’t stop cracking up! That was years ago and I still think it’s hilarious!!!! (Did I spell that right???)

    September 30, 2013 at 6:53 pm
  • Jeanette flexy

    These are hilarious and some people do need a good ass kicking. To the you mis spelled comment get a life. To this kid saying he dared someone to leave a note to him and his girlfriend. You wish someone would. P.s. I would say all this to someone’s face because I am a hard lived woman who will tear that ass up and there are plenty of us out there but it is nice to try to be civil first.

    September 30, 2013 at 9:15 pm
  • Kandi

    Amazing. And Jeanette you are awesome. To the person who said there are nice houses, a lot of us can’t afford those. I live in a condo with one good neighbor and one psychopath. I pay $550 US for a lot of space, 2 large bedrooms 1.5 bath deck dishwasher washer & dryer. Etc. for the Same $ I would live in a crack house or the equivalent there of. So we deserve respect even if we can’t own our own homes.

    September 30, 2013 at 10:22 pm
  • spaceace33

    Yo, Winsteauxn…please forgive my ignorance…i’m curious to know: what’s “being OC”???

    September 30, 2013 at 11:58 pm
  • Paz

    Obsessive compulsive = OC ?

    October 2, 2013 at 5:28 am
  • MML

    For the people who made the comments about the dog shit – some places just reach in the can and grab the bagged trash, they don’t dump the entire can. So the shit will sit there until the owner has to clean the can out.

    October 3, 2013 at 5:58 pm
  • 2Jane

    I think that this collection is great. Congrats to Deeber on getting the point of the letters. Using humor to try to get their point across and lower the hostility level. To the people (e.g. Jude Iscariot) who scoff that the letter writers are making idle threats, well duh, like someone is really going to drive around with an old lady’s head bolted to the hood! When somebody says “Go to hell!” do you think that they are literally suggesting that you attempt to locate hell and travel there? Also to the Brad the person who finds spelling errors so important, you failed to notice that the word exorcism in the title and content of #14 is misspelled so obviously the spellchecker in your brain is off. PS Hurrah for the power of the written word!

    October 6, 2013 at 8:57 pm
  • Sasha D

    Very amusing though the last one should have written a figure of around 130bpm for true smart-arse brilliance!

    October 17, 2013 at 7:54 pm
  • Aubekah

    These comments are almost as good as the letters written!

    October 20, 2013 at 8:49 pm
  • Fiona

    Loved the haiku. You are dinosaur. An indie band name, could be.

    November 7, 2013 at 11:11 am
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  • Peter

    This reminds me of the time I lived in an apartment and this older lady moves in above me was always playing her horrible organ loudly day after day for hours. This wasn’t one of those portable electronic keyboards she was playing, it was more or less a slightly scaled down church organ! The organ took up half of her living room including two large speaker cabinets.

    She was an incredibly rude, arrogant, selfish and crazy woman. I tried to be reasonable with her and explain that her organ was so loud that my apartment was vibrating in every room. I also informed her that the management prohibits pianos, surround sound systems, subwoofers and that would include organs too. She looked at me with evil in her eyes and snidely said that, “she plays the organ at her church and this music is “for God” and that the landlord gave her permission to practice her organ during the day.” And then she slammed her front door in my face. That was the last confrontation I had with this nut. I went to my landlord who lives way on the other side of the complex and I explained the situation with him. My landlord said that my neighbor wasn’t allowed to have such an instrument in her apartment.

    I’m stymied as to how she snuck in the organ to her apartment without anybody seeing or hearing her doing so.

    My landlord personally went up to my nutty organists neighbor’s apartment and I could hear her yelling and screaming at the landlord! Then I heard what sounded like glass breaking and sudden thumping and bumping. 5 minutes later my landlord comes running down stairs, banging on my door, and he told me to call 911! My crazy church organist neighbor physically assaulted my landlord by throwing a vase at him and hit him in the head!

    My landlord pressed charges and my crazy neighbor was arrested all the while shouting, “Blasphemy! Blasphemy!” as the police took her away. I felt so bad for my poor landlord.

    Well, the crazy organ playing lady was evicted and I have a nice (quiet) couple above me:)

    February 2, 2014 at 7:21 am
  • Helen L

    I had a dog (naughty beagle) who used to hide behind the fence & leap out at the gate, barking loudly, at the guy coming home from the pub same time every day. He abused me a few times, then one morning I came out for work & found my car smeared completely with dog poo! big bunch of it all around the drivers door handle. My neighbours came to help me hose & clean, they had a lot of trouble trying not to laugh, I was furious then, it was mid summer & dreadful. Now can see funny side, would have been worse for the mad guy to collect & apply all that stuff, gross!

    February 18, 2014 at 10:26 pm