Swipe left/right

Football News: English football’s new head Greg Dyke has proposed a brave new strategy for the national team – winning matches.

Dyke outlined his vision for England in his first address since becoming Football Association chairman. Within minutes of starting his speech, Dyke reportedly left the gathered journalists visibly stunned and confused when he suggested a radical new direction for the England team, in which they play well and win games.

“Dyke redefined the whole game in one simple speech. The atmosphere in the room was electric – like watching a young Miles Davis experimenting with free jazz,” said one journalist who heard the speech.

“Everyone knows that ‘England’ is simply shorthand for ‘gently jogging around the pitch spitting and looking bored for ninety minutes’ and now Dyke wants to change that.”

Dyke, 66, who became FA chairman in July, also said that ‘the England team does not have a history of success.’ The comment was met with booing and a loud cry of ‘how dare you state facts’ from the crowd.

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. News
    This guy accidentally visited Wetherspoons dressed identically to one of their plates…
  2. News
    The reply from Lego to this boy’s letter about losing some Lego bits why “Lego’s customer service department should run the world”
  3. News
    Jeremy Corbyn re-elected as Labour leader: the four best, bitterly ironic tweets
  4. Exclusive
    Simply 69 funny jokes by 69 funny comedians
  5. Pics
    This is what happens if you get a tattoo artist to copy a tattoo and they don’t realise part of it is a nipple…
« Swipe navigation »