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Football News: English football’s new head Greg Dyke has proposed a brave new strategy for the national team – winning matches.

Dyke outlined his vision for England in his first address since becoming Football Association chairman. Within minutes of starting his speech, Dyke reportedly left the gathered journalists visibly stunned and confused when he suggested a radical new direction for the England team, in which they play well and win games.

“Dyke redefined the whole game in one simple speech. The atmosphere in the room was electric – like watching a young Miles Davis experimenting with free jazz,” said one journalist who heard the speech.

“Everyone knows that ‘England’ is simply shorthand for ‘gently jogging around the pitch spitting and looking bored for ninety minutes’ and now Dyke wants to change that.”

Dyke, 66, who became FA chairman in July, also said that ‘the England team does not have a history of success.’ The comment was met with booing and a loud cry of ‘how dare you state facts’ from the crowd.

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