Swipe left/right

Web News: The government has announced plans to require anyone owning or using a keyboard to be licensed, in a bid to stop them writing stupid shit on the internet.

The new law will require ‘any person or persons intending to own or use any device with a keyboard to undergo a written examination to see if they meet the minimum requirements of expressing thoughts on the internet’.

It’s also thought that the test will involve a visual element, where prospective keyboard users are shown pictures of women – applicants who demonstrate knee-jerk reactions such as yelling ‘rape’ or ‘bomb!’ will automatically fail.

“Just as we don’t let people legally drive if they are total morons, now this new licensing scheme will hopefully improve the level of thoughts broadcast on the internet,” said Home Secretary Theresa May.

“As with driving, points will be added to keyboard licences if people leave aggressive or inane comments – such as pointing out that something is ‘fake’ or ‘gay’ – or simply wasting your own time and energy by writing ‘wut’.

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
  2. Exclusive
    10 signs you’ve reached middle age
  3. News
    This bloke just got a slap down from Tesco Mobile for his cheek because that’s the internet in 2016
  4. Pics
    People are sharing this anti-racist letter to the Guardian because it makes a great, funny point
  5. uncategorised
    So this is what it looks like if you mow round a traffic cone for months…
« Swipe navigation »