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Police News: The Home Office has said the UK will take part in a ‘healthy exchange of dystopian policing techniques’ with Russia later this year.

“We have so much in common with our friends in Russia,” said Home Secretary Theresa May. “They hate journalists freely reporting, so do we. They hate gay people and so do we – there’s no doubt we could both learn a lot from each other as we both head into a bleak future.”

The Home Office has proposed that thirty British police officers would be sent to Russia, and vice versa – in order to study ‘advanced oppression techniques’ and more efficient ways to ‘crush lefties’ from each country.

The move comes after two GCHQ officials at the Guardian’s headquarters forced staff to destroy hard drives containing files from by NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden.

“That was a big mistake,” admitted May. “Anyone who has seen an action film from the 1980’s knows that you can only destroy a computer by smashing its monitor.”

Breaking News: Man offers pizza to London marathon runners

 

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