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Food News: Virtually all the shoppers in an organic supermarket seem to be ill, frail, or suffering from a chest complaint previously endured by coal miners in the 18th century.

“You’d think an organic supermarket would attract people that are a little bit healthier, but everyone here seems to be on the verge of death,” said Gary Richards, who had just popped in to laugh at the price of an organic onion.

“There was one guy at the checkout buying a vegan calzone who looked so weak he could barely lift his wallet – and I saw one lady who had such little upper body strength she was pushing around a box of rooibos tea with her foot.”

The supermarket was also soundtracked by the persistent sound of coughing and sneezing.

“You could barely hear yourself laugh at the prices above all the coughing,” added Richards. “It’s like these people have never heard of Lemsip and whiskey cocktails.”

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