Tech News: Instagram, the photo-based social network and photo processing application, has crashed due to a crippling backlog of depressing images of Ipswich.

The processing software that can make cool photos out of men’s feet and prepackaged sandwiches has ground to a halt when faced with boosting the appeal of the Suffolk town.

“We have basically crashed due to Ipswich,” said one Instagram technician. “The place is just too depressing. Our software can’t handle it. It’s like there’s something in the air, some kind of seagull-grey phantom, sucking the life out of everything, before farting it back into your face.”

“Our technology is powerful,” said a spokesperson for the company. “We can even make a branch of Wilkinson look like Caesars Palace. Yet it seems as if there’s something so heartachingly mournful about Ipswich, that we just can’t seem to jazz it up. We’ve had three members of staff signed off sick due to the stress of trying to enhance some pictures inside Liquid nightclub, whilst a photo of a fox eating a full nappy reduced one man to tears.”

By Andrew Woods

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6 Responses

  • Binky Beaumont

    Couldn’t agree more! I’ve also had the misfortune to visited Arras in France as well, there was dog crap on every pavement. The two towns deserve one another!

    August 15, 2013 at 12:05 pm
  • Dave hates Ipswich

    Yeah what a sh*t hole. I mean Shakespeare and Dickens were wankers for even mentioning the place in their works, let alone all those Viking kings and Romans and such that fought over it.. Where they mad!?! I mean Bristol or Leeds or Bradford or Luton for example, now they are really beautiful towns and as for Plymouth or Portsmouth, well once you scrape away the dog shit from the face of them they really are perfectly filthy slime holes underneath!

    August 15, 2013 at 1:26 pm
  • Dave hates Ipswich

    Sorry. typo. were* obviously

    August 15, 2013 at 1:26 pm
  • Daniel Storey

    You’re all just jealous really :D

    August 15, 2013 at 4:59 pm
  • Portsmouth Paul

    I agree with Dave hates Ipswich, actually being a resident of Portsmouth I can confirm it is indeed a shit-hole par excellence. Dog shit gives it some colour at least & the locals have faces like slapped arses. I had to marry a Cornish lass due to the fact all the women/things in Portsmouth are mingers. However Hastings tops Portsmouth for Ugly Mong Women by a Galactic mile.

    August 15, 2013 at 7:36 pm
  • Kat

    You haven’t been to Clacton.

    August 27, 2013 at 9:24 pm