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Tech News: Instagram, the photo-based social network and photo processing application, has crashed due to a crippling backlog of depressing images of Ipswich.

The processing software that can make cool photos out of men’s feet and prepackaged sandwiches has ground to a halt when faced with boosting the appeal of the Suffolk town.

“We have basically crashed due to Ipswich,” said one Instagram technician. “The place is just too depressing. Our software can’t handle it. It’s like there’s something in the air, some kind of seagull-grey phantom, sucking the life out of everything, before farting it back into your face.”

“Our technology is powerful,” said a spokesperson for the company. “We can even make a branch of Wilkinson look like Caesars Palace. Yet it seems as if there’s something so heartachingly mournful about Ipswich, that we just can’t seem to jazz it up. We’ve had three members of staff signed off sick due to the stress of trying to enhance some pictures inside Liquid nightclub, whilst a photo of a fox eating a full nappy reduced one man to tears.”

By Andrew Woods

 

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