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Rock News: Tensions with Spain increased further today, after David Cameron revealed that Gibraltar will be towed to the Falklands to make sure ‘nothing happens to it’.

The Prime Minister says Gibraltar will be removed from the Spanish mainland and towed by tugboats to the South Atlantic Ocean, where it will ‘dock’ with the Falkland Islands on a temporary basis.

The move was thought to be prompted after one Spanish minister was overheard saying “nice peninsula, shame if anything happened to it…”

“The Prime Minister is very disappointed with the slow progress of talks with Spain over border controls,” said a Downing Street spokesman.

“We will not turn a blind eye when the people of Gibraltar are threatened, so the government has decided to move Gibraltar to the Falkland Islands to make sure nothing bad happens to it when our backs are turned.”

There are also unverified reports that the government has armed the 300 Barbary macaques that live on the island with crude weapons.

“We can neither confirm or deny the Gibraltar monkey population has been armed with hammers,” said the spokesman. “But when it comes to defending a rock from a Spanish speaking country we will consider all options.”

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