Exclusive

‘Keep Calm’ Merchandise Still Accounts For 85% Of UK Economy

Calm News: Business leaders have warned that 85% of the UK’s economy is still based on the sales of ‘Keep Calm and Carry On” merchandise.

“Despite some signs of growth, the UK economy is still in a fragile state,” said incoming Bank of England governor Mark Carney. “The fact that it so heavily depends on posters, deckchairs, mugs and tea towels with the ‘Keep Calm’ slogan is dangerous. Ironically we shouldn’t keep calm, we should be bricking it.”

Carney warns that if the bottom drops out of the Keep Calm market due to over-saturation – or people realising that it’s meaningless, twee bullshit – then the UK’s economy could totally collapse with horrific consequences.

“If we imagine a worst-case scenario,” says Carney. “Then the UK’s population will be reduced to a brutal, almost medieval existence. The only use you’ll have for a ‘Keep Calm’ mug is to beat someone to death with, to stop them stealing what meagre food supplies you have left.”