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Garden News: Millions of people in the UK will do something half-arsed in the garden this weekend, like planting a crappy looking shrub or badly mowing their patchy, half dead lawn.

“Now that summer is finally here, we expects millions of people to finally get around to the annual tradition of making a half-arsed attempt at gardening,” said a spokesman for B&Q.

“We expect our garden centres to be packed this weekend, with people choosing what plants they want to kill this year and selecting pots – or as we call them ‘plant coffins’ – to put the plants into before they die after not getting any water for a month.”

With July weather predicted to be hot and sunny, experts say this is the perfect weekend for to do something half-arsed in the garden.

“Pots and window boxes full of dead, neglected plants are a popular feature in most British gardens,” said Gardener’s World presenter Monty Don. “And this weekend is the ideal time to get into your garden and start planning what you’ll kill later this year.”

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