Cretin With Guitar Ruins Lunchtime In Park

Lunch News: A pleasant sunny lunchtime was ruined for dozens of people yesterday, by a moron with a twang-stick.

Over thirty people were enjoying sitting in the sun eating their lunch in a small park in Central London, when the idiot with the noise-plank sat down, seemingly unaware that nobody except himself wanted to hear his moronic strumming.

“I was sitting on the bench eating a sandwich when I noticed the git with the jangle box appear,” said Samantha Owen, 24, who was reportedly having a good time until strum-boy turned up.

“He looked around, then just smugly smiled and started bashing at the strings. It was awful – you could see everyone within earshot wince and visibly tense up.”

“It could have been worse,” said another person who had their lunchtime ruined. “He could have been playing a tribal drum. If that had been the case I would have forced him to eat his own dreamcatcher.”