Supermarkets Pledge To Make Sandwiches Even More Depressing

Lunch News: UK supermarkets have promised customers to make sandwiches increasingly sweatier, bland and horrible in an effort to make lunchtime even sadder.

“A shit sandwich is a staple of the UK worker’s day,” said a spokesman for the British Retail Consortium.

“For years we have focused on making the packaging almost impossible to open, but now we will turn our attention from frustration to depression, by making the sandwiches even more awful and sweaty. Consumers will be amazed at just how bland and unpleasant we can make things.”

The move comes after research found that lunch hours cost the British economy nearly £500 million per day. It’s thought that if supermarket sandwiches can be made even more unappealing, then workers will skip eating lunch entirely and just carry on working.

Tesco are thought to be the first supermarket to join the campaign, by launching a sandwich that ‘could be cheese’, or ‘might be meat’, but is actually just three slices of a pensioner’s damp insole.