Wholesome Presenter News: A sports therapist from Lancaster spoke of her distress today after being rabbit-punched in the fanny by TV presenter Ben Fogle.

“I saw Mr. Fogle at an Ideal Gardens exhibition and wanted to experience his famous charm for myself,” says 32-year old Dana Lewisham.

“He was beaming that smile of his, surrounded by fans, when I introduced myself as someone who was planning to kayak across the Thames and asked him if he had any survival tips.”

“That’s when he ushered me to a remote corner of the stand, let out a Bruce Lee-style scream, dropped to one knee and muff-punched me. Just like that.”

While Fogle is said to be helping police with their inquiries, a spokesperson for the star firmly denied that the incident ever took place.

“It should be obvious to everyone who knows Ben that this story is absolute fantasy. He would never, and I repeat never, do a Bruce Lee impersonation. He’s not a racist and he prefers Jackie Chan.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

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6 Responses

  • rectalpinist

    HOW in BLUE HELL could that POSSIBLY be racist??? People are oversensitive idiots. RACIAL references DO NOT HAVE TO MEAN RACISM. AND HELL THIS WASNT EVEN RACIAL.

    April 3, 2013 at 11:47 am
  • Jack

    Not exactly sophisticated satire, this. They’re better when you play with events in a clever and unexpected way rather than just make up some random bollocks. To me, this just comes across as a bit mean and not that clever.

    April 3, 2013 at 11:53 am
  • fred

    I think you have both missed the joke, by miles. In fact, you fired in the wrong direction and have hit your self in the ass.

    April 3, 2013 at 6:57 pm
  • Gideon Giggler

    They said muff-punch. Muff-punch. Hee-hee. Muff-punch is rude. If mummy sees that I have written muff-punch, I will be in so much trouble. Muff. Punch. Is that a drink?

    April 4, 2013 at 11:06 pm
  • Mike

    I wonder if some of the posters here can hear the whooshing sound of something going over their heads?

    April 6, 2013 at 12:05 pm
  • dan connor

    Fogle is one of life’s gentlemen. I was privilaged to meet him at a conference last year and had the honour of standing beside him at the urinals in the toilets. We chatted as we pissed and he has a pretty impressive weapon tucked away in there!

    November 5, 2013 at 10:46 am