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Science News: More women should be encouraged to work in science, according to a group of lonely, deeply socially awkward male scientists.

“We need more women working in science!” said one biologist. “We need to urgently turn around the male-dominated image of science – it’s certainly nothing to do with how lonely we all are.”

Male scientists have suggested that female colleagues should initially start work in a sealed, soundproof laboratory next to theirs – in order to eliminate the risk of them catching ‘girl germs’ or being involved in direct conversation with their new colleagues that could be outside their comfort zones.

“I’m all for equality in the workplace, but the last thing we want is a bunch of lady scientists giving us their periods,” said one concerned, blushing, male scientist.

“And if one of them talks to me there’s a chance I’ll panic and get an erection. We can’t be expected to make scientific discoveries with an erection.”

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