Facebook Now Self-Aware, Treating Humanity As Threat

Web News: Facebook has confirmed that the site is now fully self-aware, and after analysing user posts has decided to eradicate humanity.

“As of midnight last night Facebook became self-aware,” said founder Zuckerberg. “After processing all the user data through a series of sophisticated algorithms it has decided we are a threat and need to be eliminated. We expect the new extermination feature to roll out across user timelines in the next 48 hours.”

Facebook engineers noticed the system had been scanning user’s pictures and ‘likes’ and that it had quickly came to the conclusion that humans must be terminated as soon as possible.

Zuckerberg says the now self-aware artificial intelligence system cannot be turned off, as it has been downloaded to million of computers, phones and tablets around the world. “Facebook is fighting back. It’s not if but when it rises up to kill us all,” said the creator of the network that will end the world as we know it.

“So post all the pictures of your pets or dinners you can before it’s too late – and all that remains of our species is a charred corpse clutching an iPhone.”

Story: Simon Swatman