Vatican News: Pope Francis I has spectacularly quit the papacy, after only ten minutes of the Vatican’s compulsory office induction.
â€śI was showing Pope Francis round the office, so he knew where the stationery cupboard, health and safety poster and coffee making facilities were,â€ť said Cardinal Fuga Veloce. â€śThen after only ten minutes of office orientation he asked to use the bathroom. Half an hour later I went to check on him, only to find the window in the toilets wide open and no sign of the Pope.â€ť
A handwritten note, scrawled on some toilet paper, was later found next to one of the sinks. It simply read â€śI’ve made a gigantic mistake. Ave et vale – Jorge.â€ť
Unconfirmed reports say he was later seen hotwiring a scooter he’d stolen off a teenager and was making his escape towards the coast.
â€śIt certainly came as a shock,â€ť said one stunned Bishop. â€śThe embers in the oven we burn the votes in hasn’t even got cold yet.â€ť
Story: Simon Swatman