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US Farmers ‘Revolted’ By Oddly-Shaped Tornado

Twister News: Farmers in remote area of Ohio reported feelings of ‘revulsion’ and ‘distinct uneasiness’ yesterday after a penis-shaped tornado tore through the state’s north-west corner.

“We heard the warning and were just about to head to the cellar when I looked out the window,” said farmer Donald Ray Fairbuck, “and I just felt plain dirty and upset.”

“My God, those veins,” said policeman Willard Holmes, “those mighty veins of lightning! And those balls! Those terrifying balls of thunder – the whole damn thing moving across the landscape, gobbling barns and livestock like some kind of giant, hungry ghost-cock.”

But while some remain awe-struck, others continue to deal with a more difficult emotional legacy from what has already been dubbed ‘the pornado’.

“I’ve been jabbed in the eye by God’s pecker,” sighed farmer Frank Allsopp from his porch, staring off into the distance. “How does a man come back from that?”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody