Passengers Stranded On Cruise Ship To Make Human Sacrifice

Sea News: Crew and passengers of a cruise ship stranded in the Gulf of Mexico are now willing to make a human sacrifice to appease Neptune, God of the sea.

The Carnival Triumph has been stranded since Sunday, following a fire in its engine room – the passengers now say they will ‘do whatever Neptune demands’ in order to get the boat – and their holidays – moving again.

Some initial sacrifices have already been performed, after one of the crew caught a seagull with a blanket. Passengers then stripped naked and daubed themselves in the gull’s blood while chanting Neptune’s name in the hope the engines would start up.

“In situations like this it’s common practice to sacrifice a human life in order to appease the Roman god of water and the sea,” said maritime expert Tony Bapor.

“Then everyone can get back to enjoying the cruise, go for dinner in one of the ten haute cuisine restaurants, play a relaxing game of shuffleboard on the main deck, or spend the rest of the voyage in contemplation of the human life they just took.”