Boris Johnson To Personally Cull 5,000 Foxes With A Brick

Fox News: London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced plans to mete out his own form of ‘urban justice’ by killing 5,000 foxes with a brick.

The pledge comes after a baby in south-east London was recently attacked by a fox. “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way!” said the Mayor, quoting Sean Connery’s character from the 1987 film The Untouchables.

Johnson, who has branded urban foxes a ‘menace’ says he has rejected ‘soft solutions’ – like asking people not to feed foxes – in favour of a more dramatic approach involving a brick and a grudge.

“If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way. Because they’re not gonna give up the fight, until one of you is dead,“ said Johnson as he packed some pool balls into a sock.