DNA Tests Taking All The Fun Out Of Eating Cheap, Questionable, Processed Meat

Consumer News: Eating grey, highly questionable mystery meat is no longer a magical journey of discovery, thanks to DNA testing.

“It’s just taken the sense of wonder and mystery I used to get from buying cheap mince,” said Craig Cheval from Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire.

“Sure it said ‘beef’ or ‘pork’ on the label, but I never believed that – one day I could be eating horse, the next squirrel and the day after rat. Now these busybodies from the Food Standards Agency have ruined all that with their DNA testing.”

Consumers groups are calling for vaguer food labelling, in order to bring back the sense of mystery.

“Instead of labelling a product as beef, we suggest they simply call it ‘non-human flesh’, bringing back the lottery element of mystery meat,” said a spokesman from the Consumers’ Association.

“Consumers don’t want to know what they’re eating – that’s just disgusting – they just want a vague clue that it’s an animal and a reassuring stock photo of a farmer on the label.”