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Marriage News: David Cameron was keen to draw parallels between coalition government and gay marriage today, as he tried to heal divisions in his own party following last night’s vote.

“Nick and I like to bicker and argue, but we also like a glass of wine, a box set and a cuddle,” Cameron told fellow Conservatives. “And even if you voted against equality, make no mistake – you too are in a relationship with Nick Clegg – all the way to the hilt.”

“All the way in,” he continued, as his assistants tried to change the subject and pull him back to his seat. “Like a pig in a cannon.”

“That’s disgusting,” said Tory MP William Thintle, who lead the campaign for the ‘No’ vote. “I thoroughly reject the analogy that we’ve been bumming the Liberal Democrats for the last three years. The Prime Minister is being utterly childish and inappropriate.”

“If anything, they’ve been bumming us – and jolly hard, I might say. The whole experience has made my eyes water.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody

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