Swipe left/right

Marriage News: David Cameron was keen to draw parallels between coalition government and gay marriage today, as he tried to heal divisions in his own party following last night’s vote.

“Nick and I like to bicker and argue, but we also like a glass of wine, a box set and a cuddle,” Cameron told fellow Conservatives. “And even if you voted against equality, make no mistake – you too are in a relationship with Nick Clegg – all the way to the hilt.”

“All the way in,” he continued, as his assistants tried to change the subject and pull him back to his seat. “Like a pig in a cannon.”

“That’s disgusting,” said Tory MP William Thintle, who lead the campaign for the ‘No’ vote. “I thoroughly reject the analogy that we’ve been bumming the Liberal Democrats for the last three years. The Prime Minister is being utterly childish and inappropriate.”

“If anything, they’ve been bumming us – and jolly hard, I might say. The whole experience has made my eyes water.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
  2. Pics
    This letter complaining about the Great British Bake Off to the Metro is both sublime and ridiculous
  3. News
    “Top tips for men juggling a successful career and fatherhood” hilariously nails how sexist the advice given to working women is
  4. Pics
    Weeping at the last paragraph
  5. News
    This advice on how to deal with “racist mouthy twats” has gone viral because it’s good advice
« Swipe navigation »