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Sports News: David Beckham has told journalists he is fully prepared to learn how to play on the right now that he’s signed to the French team Paris St Germain.

“There’s lots of things that are different about France,” said the former English Captain. “For a start there’s this problem with the Germans and the Fallen Madonna with the big boobies.”

“Second, there’s the language. I’ve tried talking English in that accent but it just isn’t working right. I am, however, taking shrugging lessons.”

Beckham, who has won international acclaim for the popularisation of the Hindu language and breaking down barriers around the naming of children, is especially pleased to be in the fashion capital of the world.

“It’s well known that Victoria and I love fashion and Paris St Germain are as much about clothes as they are about football,” he told the press conference. “That’s why their logo is an upside down pair of Y-fronts.”

Story: Jasper Gibson + Mick Sadler

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