Banker Would Like An Hour When He’s Not Called An Arsehole

Finance News: A senior figure in the banking industry has expressed a desire to go for at least one full hour without being called an arsehole, wanker or twat.

“I appreciate nobody has any good feelings for people in my industry right now, “ said Giles Piers-Guy, a board member at Barclays.

“In fact they’re right – we are all arseholes, wankers and twats – it’s just that I’d like to try going an hour without being reminded of it by the general public.”

Piers-Guy says he can’t remember the last time he went an entire hour without being called an arsehole.

“Even my wife calls me a prick, and not in a sexy way either. Last night at around 3am she woke me up to remind me of the fact that I was a useless fucking twat who has ruined the world. It’s exhausting – at one point I moved into a hotel, but the person on the front desk kept on ringing me up to call me a wanker.”

Story: Simon Swatman