Scientists Plan To Discover Why Elderly Lady Goes Shopping Every Day

Buying News: Scientists at Oxford University have outlined plans to discover why an old lady who lives alone appears to spend several hours shopping every day.

The scientists noticed that every day an elderly woman walks past their laboratory with a tartan shopping trolley, only to return several hours later.

“It’s a baffling observation,” said Dr. Aki Tavarat of the Department of Zoology. “Every day, no matter what the weather, we see this same lady go shopping. Just what the hell is she buying? How can anyone, especially someone who lives alone, need to buy so much stuff?”

The group say the study will last at least several years and consist of ‘careful observation of the subject in her shopping habitat’.

“Our initial propositions explaining this behaviour are that she either eats a lot of food, or that she is so incredibly frail she can only carry a small amount of food at a time in her trolley,” said Dr. Tavarat.

“Other theories speculate that she is ferrying something sinister – like body parts – around on behalf of a cult, or that she has a massive drugs habit and uses the trolley to transport the five pounds of heroin she smokes on a daily basis.”