Shit News: Domestic violence performer and occasional rapper Chris Brown is to be honoured in Los Angeles with a statue of a large golden turd.

Brown, who in 2009 repeatedly punched then-girlfriend Rihanna until she was almost unconscious, is expected to attend the opening ceremony of the statue. Once the ribbon is cut, gathered crowds will be encouraged to spit on the giant golden shit that bears his name.

Brown is then expected to rip off his shirt and storm off in a huff, write an angry tweet calling a woman a pig and threatening to defecate in her retina, then delete it moments later after his PR team reads it.

“In a city full of shitty people Chris Brown really stands out as a grade-a bumcake,” said one of the committee who commissioned the memorial.

“Not only did he avoid doing any jail time for the assault, but he seems to show no regret over it and gets angry when anyone mentions the incident. The moment we realised we really needed to commemorate his shittiness came when he got a neck tattoo of a beaten woman. He really is a person worthy of a giant golden stool.”

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7 Responses

  • Gwendoline Taylor

    fu&u&u&u

    January 23, 2013 at 2:40 pm
  • dani

    what a waste of an article! seriously. its people like u that really need to get a life!!!

    January 23, 2013 at 5:01 pm
  • Andoiwebb

    Super article! Chris Brown is a weapons grade turd.

    January 23, 2013 at 11:49 pm
  • Gwendoline Taylor

    What a retarded piece of journalism about shit.

    January 24, 2013 at 12:53 am
  • Axeman

    Spot the Chris Brown fans who don’t know what The Poke is

    January 24, 2013 at 1:14 pm
  • Rihanna

    I LUV IT, IT’S SO GETTO!! HE’S GOTT A GREAT RIGHT HOOK, THAT’S WHY I STILL LUV HIM SO!

    REACH FOR THE SKY AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!

    XX

    January 24, 2013 at 3:01 pm
  • Billy Caftdunt

    Thanks for your thought-provoking comments, Gwendoline Taylor. A pity they were not in any recognisable language. I think you were probably implying that Chris Brown is one hell of a rotter. Right ? Come to think of it, don’t bother confirming. I couldn’t give a Giant Golden Memorial Turd.

    January 24, 2013 at 4:36 pm