Shit News: Domestic violence performer and occasional rapper Chris Brown is to be honoured in Los Angeles with a statue of a large golden turd.
Brown, who in 2009 repeatedly punched then-girlfriend Rihanna until she was almost unconscious, is expected to attend the opening ceremony of the statue. Once the ribbon is cut, gathered crowds will be encouraged to spit on the giant golden shit that bears his name.
Brown is then expected to rip off his shirt and storm off in a huff, write an angry tweet calling a woman a pig and threatening to defecate in her retina, then delete it moments later after his PR team reads it.
“In a city full of shitty people Chris Brown really stands out as a grade-a bumcake,” said one of the committee who commissioned the memorial.
“Not only did he avoid doing any jail time for the assault, but he seems to show no regret over it and gets angry when anyone mentions the incident. The moment we realised we really needed to commemorate his shittiness came when he got a neck tattoo of a beaten woman. He really is a person worthy of a giant golden stool.”