Swipe left/right

Weekend News: DIY retailer B&Q has been voted the most popular place for a massive family argument at the weekend, beating competition from J D Sports and Currys.

“We’re incredibly proud that British shoppers have once again chosen B&Q to have a weekend meltdown in,” said a spokesman for the retailer. “In tough economic times it’s good to know that the public are still flocking to our stores, just to shout at each other over what kind of wallpaper they should buy.”

Those surveyed said that they also found B&Q very reliable – as there always seemed to be a crying child being yelled at outside each branch. “That just nicely sets the tone for the whole weekend,” said one person. Shoppers also praised B&Q’s excellent in-store acoustics.

“B&Q is clearly the best place for massive family arguments,” said Rosie Groot-Betoog. “The high ceilings really have a nice echo to them when I scream ‘Don’t you dare knock over those fucking paint tins!’ at my kids.”

Story: Simon Swatman

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
  2. Exclusive
    10 signs you’ve reached middle age
  3. News
    This bloke just got a slap down from Tesco Mobile for his cheek because that’s the internet in 2016
  4. Pics
    People are sharing this anti-racist letter to the Guardian because it makes a great, funny point
  5. uncategorised
    So this is what it looks like if you mow round a traffic cone for months…
« Swipe navigation »