Legacy News: Plans have been announced to turn the Olympic stadium into a giant warehouse to store unsold 2012 merchandise.

“The sheer amount of unsold Wenlock and Mandeville toys, keyrings, tea towels and other crap has been putting a dangerous strain on warehouses in london since the games finished in September,” said a spokesman for the London Legacy Development Corporation, charged with securing the future of the Olympic complex.

“We estimate that over 80% of warehouse space in the East End of London is taken up with storage of unsold 2012 foam fingers, duvet covers and giant novelty plastic medals. The remaining 20% is taken up with artists keen to live in a quasi-industrial space, so we’re at breaking point.”

The LLDC say the stadium will have its doors sealed and the unsold merchandise will be dropped into the stadium from helicopters. “We learned a lot from hosting the games this summer,” said a spokesman.

“Namely that it was a big mistake to order three quarters of a million 2012 branded beanie hats.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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