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Reality News: A man walking home let out a wistful sigh after the sight of a dying Christmas tree on the pavement briefly reminded him of happier times.

“I didn’t expect such a poignant reminder on my way home, but seeing that poor tree lying discarded in the gutter brought back memories of much happier times,” said Graham Yates from Weymouth.

“I particularly liked the fact that Christmas meant it was socially acceptable for me to start drinking at 10am on a Tuesday morning. Now those days are gone – I think I even silently mouthed ‘Goodbye Christmas’ at the tree as I walked past.”

Others are also finding the sight of tree corpses too much to take. “A few days ago I was sitting guiltlessly on the couch watching crap films, now I have to go back to work,” said Sarah Collins from Birmingham.

“Seeing that crumpled pile of dead branches and pine needles was just too much –  I had to throw a blanket over the Christmas tree that was dumped by my house.”

Breaking News: An empty shopping centre in Birmingham is the perfect place for a Gandalf impression

 

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