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Law News: In a bid to boost public popularity, the government has revealed plans to introduce the death penalty for anyone using power tools after 7pm.

“We’ve passed a lot of very unpopular bills since we’ve been in power,” said a Downing Street spokesman. “But we hope to win back public support by having anyone who does DIY after seven in the evening summarily executed.”

The law, already nicknamed the ‘B&Q death sentence’, is expected to be introduced in the new year. It will initially apply to those using drills or electric saws after 7pm, but is expected to widen to include anyone using a hammer when everyone else it trying to relax.”

“I wouldn’t normally support the death penalty,” said Phil Beckinsale from Beeston, Nottinghamshire. “But my neighbour seems to have spent every night in the last six months putting up shelves while I’m trying to watch Coronation Street. And for that he must die.”

Story: Simon Swatman


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