Leveson offered job as X-Factor judge

Inquiry News: Lord Justice Leveson, who’s 2000-page report yesterday delivered a scathing verdict on the culture and ethics of the media, the police and politiicans, has been offered an ‘undisclosed sum’ to replace Gary Barlow as ‘the nasty one’ on the next series of the X-Factor.

“He’s the most famous judge in the country,” Simon Cowell told journalists this morning, “and if he can give the likes of Andy Coulson a public dressing-down, than he can certainly tell a bunch of shiny-faced teenagers that their dances moves make them look disabled.”

Lord Leveson’s office has refused to comment but insiders say the ‘Terror of Fleet Street’ is ‘examining all the options’ when it comes his next career move.

“Yes, there’s the X-Factor,” said one insider, “but there’s also been offers of a lucrative contract to strangle George Osborne while wearing driving gloves.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

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