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Food News: Pizza Hut has unveiled a new passive-aggressive menu, that asks customers to “Please buy a pizza. Or don’t. Like we give a shit.”

The new menu is a bold move to try and turn around a drop in sales by the pizza chain, who hope that a more aggressive menu will give their brand ‘an edge’.

“No one else is telling prospective customers to fuck off, so we’ll definitely have a unique place in the market,” said Tony Malbona, Pizza Hut’s head of marketing.

“My favourite part of the new menu is when we suggest customers supersize to a two litre bottle of Pepsi so that all their ‘stupid, stinking, rotten teeth’ fall out.”

The new menu also prompts customers to ‘try one of our delicious Meat Feast pizzas, you disgusting fucking pig’ – elsewhere the menu suggests ‘why not get a side of garlic bread? Like you haven’t eaten enough dough today, you sickening, bloated sack of guts.’

Story+Image: Simon Swatman


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