Pace News: A new study suggests 90% of the world’s anger is due to slow moving people dragging their big flat stupid feet, stopping you from walking at a decent speed.

“Certainly war, economic crisis and injustice do contribute to us getting angry,” said Dr. Marŝi Malrapida from the Centre for the Study of War, State and Society at the University of Exeter. “But nothing winds us up more than some shuffling bonehead blocking the pavement and stopping us from walking at the pace we want.”

The study, conducted over a 5-year period in over 30 countries around the world, overwhelming shows that slow walkers are the sole subject of most world anger and are lucky they don’t get punched in the back of the head.

“In many ways these people are literally worse than Hitler,” sad Dr. Malrapida. “I mean, Hitler was pretty bad, but there are loads of these stumbling oafs blocking up the pavement for people who want to walk at a decent speed. In that sense, they are much, much worse than Hitler.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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2 Responses

  • Dave

    Damn right. Iz da troof innit.

    November 19, 2012 at 6:16 pm
  • Graeme

    The worst slow walkers are the ones who move in packs down narrow passageways. The people trapped behind look ahead, and see that the passageway gets wider a bit further along, so they bide their time and wait for the passing opportunity.

    The second the passageway gets wider, the slow walkers spread out, evilly laughing to themselves about the people that they are slowing down, while presenting the illusion that they are totally oblivious.

    November 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm