Plop News: Long-legged fringe-fanatic Jessie J admitted the secret behind her glowing skin and piercing voice yesterday: Marmite enemas.

“I’ve tried all sorts of enemas,” the singer told Newsround. “But nothing gives me that deep colonic cleanse like Marmite.”

“You don’t know the meaning of inner refreshment until you’ve had a bucket of steaming yeast poured up your dirtbox.”

A spokesman for the controversial spread said he ‘could not confirm or deny’ the healing properties of the product but said that the company was glad people were ‘experimenting’.

“Dappy gave me the idea,” the singer continued. “He’s been doing it for years, way before N-dubz. My advice to people who fancy giving it a go is don’t get freaked out by the meaty smell. Some people panic and switch to Vegemite and that really can turn out to be the most horrific mistake.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

T-Shirt Of The Week > Get One Here 10678640_799754660064829_4742930850410394747_n

Leave a Reply

6 Responses

  • Colin Jones

    Jessie J – you either like her or hate her.

    November 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm
  • S Wadey

    What meaty smell you idiot? Marmite is vegetarian!

    November 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm
  • Blakey

    “You don’t know the meaning of inner refreshment until you’ve had a bucket of steaming yeast poured up your dirtbox.”

    November 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm
  • Benjamin Nailherhard

    S Wadey. I think you’ve forgotten the fact that when the yeasty brew gets fired up Jessie’s delicate poop chute, it is quickly mixed with a big old load of meaty shit, resulting in the aforementioned pong. Think its back to the biology labs for a GCSE in “what comes of ladies bottoms when they have an enema”

    November 8, 2012 at 3:55 pm
  • George Michael

    A close friend of mine is a well known pillow biter and he has often used the term Chutney Ferret. I believed that this term referred to a land bound ferret that works (or worked) in a chutney factory – but after reading this article I am not so sure. He says he once gave his neighbours cat a marmite enema and that the cat in question seemed very upset at the procedure. Cats can be real wankers.

    November 9, 2012 at 8:53 am
  • Mudgutz

    Vegemite is the choice of arseholes, just ask an Australian.

    November 11, 2012 at 12:06 am