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Crisis News: Chancellor George Osborne today confidently predicted the UK economy will be ‘pretty peachy’ by the year 2078.

“I am confident in predicting that by the year 2078 the UK economy will have fully recovered and life in this country will be like a bowl of cherries,” said Osborne. “Although by 2078 the cherries will be holograms and the bowl will brought to you by a robot butler.”

“By 2052 the great cyberwar with Belgium will be but a distant memory. Then in 2069 the UK’s mining industry on Mars in will finally pull the country out of recession, much to the delight of the ruling classes who look down on the polluted, crowded, city streets from the safety and cleanliness of their colossal flying city – Mega Kensington.”

The chancellor then spent the next 20 minutes telling everyone about how, in 2078, food shortages will no longer be a problem as synthetic food will provide all the nutrients required.

“Imagine eating a pill that tastes like a roast dinner!” said Osborne, exciting clapping his hands and dancing around like a little twat.

Story: Simon Swatman

 

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