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Pleb News: MPs are to start insulting members of the public in Latin, with the hope that they lack the classical education to understand what has just been said to them.

The move came after Andrew Mitchell was accused of ‘reigniting’ the row over claims he called police ‘plebs’ after denying he also swore at them.

In a vote passed unanimously today,  MPs say they will now only insult people in Latin, using such terms as ‘vappa ac nebulo’ (scumbag) and ‘spurce’ (unclean).

“We agree that our insults should reflect our status in society,” said Raymond Nibbs, Parliamentary spokesman. “Comparing someone to a pumpkin or donkey is much classier than just calling them a prick – plus there’s nothing more satisfying than baffling a pleb.”

Ed Miliband was quick to attack the vote, even though he was in favour of it. “It’s just another example of a failed coalition government treating the public like a bunch of cunnus. My message to the Prime Minister is clear – pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.”

Breaking News: Benedict Cumberbatch trying to say "Benedict Cumberbatch" with a mouthguard in

 

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