Supermarket news: A 38-year old man has been dramatically rescued from his local ASDA megastore after frantically wandering up and down the aisles looking for his wife for three days.

Niall Cook and his wife Debbie had visited the megastore in Roehampton, South West London to do their weekly shopping, when Mr Cook wandered off to find some ‘cheap meat’.

“God knows what I was thinking of,” said Mr Cook as he recovered in hospital. “Looking back it was a stupid, reckless thing to do. I just thought I’d have a look at the meat on my own for once.”

“I was only gone for a minute or two and got scared so I went to look for Debbie. I couldn’t find her and panicked a bit before remembering something I’d seen on a survival show. I decided to walk down the centre aisle and methodically look from left to right.”

“I couldn’t find her anywhere. I wandered up and down, left and right for what seemed like hours. I became desperate and so curled up in ball next to the shampoo, like I do at home.”

Mr Cook was eventually rescued 2 days later.

A spokesman for Queen Mary’s hospital, Roehampton said “We’ve seen a massive increase in incidents of this kind since the introduction of 24hr Megastores.”

“The man gets separated from the woman, becomes disoriented by row upon row of brightly coloured tins and loses track of time because the store never closes. In the old days they’d only been lost for a few hours. Now it’s days. We strongly urge men not to wander off on their own in supermarkets as the risks are simply too great.”

Story: wOz

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2 Responses

  • sylvia wright

    He should have remembered A.A. Milne’s poem : Disobedience

    Disobedience by A. A. Milne
    James James
    Morrison Morrison
    Weatherby George Dupree
    Took great
    Care of his Mother,
    Though he was only three.
    James James Said to his Mother,
    “Mother,” he said, said he;
    “You must never go down
    to the end of the town,
    if you don’t go down with me.”

    James James
    Morrison’s Mother
    Put on a golden gown.
    James James Morrison’s Mother
    Drove to the end of the town.
    James James Morrison’s Mother
    Said to herself, said she:
    “I can get right down
    to the end of the town
    and be back in time for tea.”

    King John
    Put up a notice,
    “LOST or STOLEN or STRAYED!
    JAMES JAMES MORRISON’S MOTHER
    SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MISLAID.
    LAST SEEN
    WANDERING VAGUELY:
    QUITE OF HER OWN ACCORD,
    SHE TRIED TO GET DOWN
    TO THE END OF THE TOWN -
    FORTY SHILLINGS REWARD!”

    James James
    Morrison Morrison
    (Commonly known as Jim)
    Told his
    Other relations
    Not to go blaming him.
    James James
    Said to his Mother,
    “Mother,” he said, said he:
    “You must never go down to the end of the town
    without consulting me.”

    James James
    Morrison’s mother
    Hasn’t been heard of since.
    King John said he was sorry,
    So did the Queen and Prince.
    King John
    (Somebody told me)
    Said to a man he knew:
    If people go down to the end of the town, well,
    what can anyone do?”

    (Now then, very softly)
    J.J.
    M.M.
    W.G.Du P.
    Took great
    C/0 his M*****
    Though he was only 3.
    J.J. said to his M*****
    “M*****,” he said, said he:
    “You-must-never-go-down-to-the-end-of-the-town-
    if-you-don’t-go-down-with-ME!”

    October 18, 2012 at 4:23 pm
  • I'm always right

    Sylvia, I’m so pleased you wrote that out. It saved me a lot of typing!

    October 18, 2012 at 7:55 pm