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Stadium News: West Ham say they are so committed to making the Olympic Stadium their new home they will drop football and switch to athletics instead.

The Hammers want to become main tenants at the Stratford site for the start of the 2014-15 season and will do whatever it takes to get their bid approved – even it means turning into an athletics team.

“We have decided to follow the example of the sensational summer of sport that the Olympics set,” said manager Sam Allardyce. “Plus none of us really liked football that much anyway.”

“No one wants to see a bunch of men disinterestedly jogging around a field, spitting. Clearly what the public want is people running really fast in events that last no longer than twenty seconds. Then they can buy a giant foam hand and a Coca Cola.”

“That means we can get around 360 races into a the length of a typical football match – and with the public buying tickets for each race separately, we stand to make an absolute fortune.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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