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Alcohol News: A new health report suggests that wine o’clock should be moved back at least four hours to help ease stress amongst the population.

“Of course what we are suggesting is really only a guideline,” said Dr. Jerry Thomas of the Institute of Advanced Alcohol Studies.

“It could be beer o’clock, whiskey o’clock or even gin o’clock. The specifics are unimportant – what’s important is that we all start drinking much, much earlier in the day.”

Dr. Thomas says that moving back wine o’clock by four hours will result in the population feeling less stressed and more able to deal with the pressures of modern day life by experiencing extended blackouts.

“Our report is not concerned with things like unit recommendations, we simply recommend the government alters the DAT (Drinking Alcohol Time) to earlier in the day – allowing people to fully embrace intoxication and slip into the warm, comforting grip of booze that much sooner.”

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Story: Simon Swatman

 

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