Swipe left/right

Sex Toy News: Excessive use of vibrating dildos can lead to the onset of early Parkinson’s, scientists claimed today.

excessive dildo use linked to early parkinson's

“Our research spans 25 years,” says Professor Paul Ruddock of the International Medical Research Quorum, Chipping Sudbury. “It’s been damned hard work, but the data is conclusive: vibrating sex toys do not sit in the drawer marked ‘consequence-free pleasure’. When used in excess they can have a harrowing effect on the body’s muscular system and trigger early symptoms of Parkinsons.”

While dildo manufacturers have rejected the findings outright, other members of the scientific community have also asked questions about the methodology behind Professor Ruddock’s research, particularly the definition of the word ‘excessive’.

“Using a vibrator every night, for 3-4 hours, over the course of 25 years, is indeed ‘excessive’,” says Professor Jane Martin of University College Warwick. “But in this experiment the research subjects were fitted with permanent vibrators against their genitals for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Some did indeed develop Parkinson’s. Others simply threw themselves off a bridge, giggling and waving their hands about.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Breaking News: Today Theresa May confused 'terrorism' with 'tourism' during a speech

 

Trending Now

  1. News
    Edwina Currie got some egg-cellent replies to her ignorant comments on child poverty
  2. News
    The Jimmy Carter Presidential Library has been trolling Trump on Twitter
  3. Pics
    This “early signs of fascism” poster from the Holocaust museum has gone viral because it reminds people of Trump
  4. Pics
    “The year my father got my mother a hoover for Christmas 1984”
  5. News
    A UKIP supporter gets a perfect response on St. George’s Day
« Swipe navigation »