Swipe left/right

Sex Toy News:¬†Excessive use of vibrating dildos can lead to the onset of early Parkinson’s, scientists claimed today.

excessive dildo use linked to early parkinson's

“Our research spans 25 years,” says Professor Paul Ruddock of the International Medical Research Quorum, Chipping Sudbury. “It’s been damned hard work, but the data is conclusive: vibrating sex toys do not sit in the drawer marked ‘consequence-free pleasure’. When used in excess they can have a harrowing effect on the body’s muscular system and trigger early symptoms of Parkinsons.”

While dildo manufacturers have rejected the findings outright, other members of the scientific community have also asked questions about the methodology behind Professor Ruddock’s research, particularly the definition of the word ‘excessive’.

“Using a vibrator every night, for 3-4 hours, over the course of 25 years, is indeed ‘excessive’,” says Professor Jane Martin of University College Warwick. “But in this experiment the research subjects were fitted with permanent vibrators against their genitals for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Some did indeed develop Parkinson’s. Others simply threw themselves off a bridge, giggling and waving their hands about.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

 

Trending Now

  1. Exclusive
    The 27 most hilarious “publishing layout” failures of all time
  2. News
    Bloke complaining about people being “offended by Christmas” goes viral as people rip the piss out of him
  3. Exclusive
    The other people that the 20 English Premier League managers should be
  4. Pics
    The sarcasm’s off the scale in this hilarious email exchange about security cameras
  5. Videos
    Toto’s Africa with the vocals off key and off time will make you laugh hard when it hits the chorus
« Swipe navigation »