Navigation News: Apple have defended themselves against criticism of their new iPhone maps app, saying that it is ‘100% accurate’ in locating the nearest Apple store.

Users criticised Apple for its glitch-ridden new maps program, but the company insist there is nothing wrong with it, as it allows users to always find the nearest Genius Bar so you can conveniently be told what to buy next by a teenager in a blue t-shirt.

“We’ve heard some negative comments about our new maps app,” said a spokesman for  Apple. “But prior to its launch we conducted extensive research and field testing with our users.”

“We learned that none of you actually want to find things like train stations, restaurants or people’s houses – all you really want is to be guided back to the warm, welcoming bosom of Mother Apple. Then you can let her comforting warmth fill you as you suckle deeply from the iTeat. So go ahead – use Apple maps, then suckle away.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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