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Solitary News: A man who has lived on his own for the last five years has wondered why he still feels the need to lock the bathroom door every time he visits the toilet.

“Maybe I’m worried someone will break into my house with the express purpose of watching me take a dump,” said Craig Yalnız, 31, of Axminster in Devon.

“Or maybe I’m worried a ghost will see me in the shower – but then ghosts can walk through walls so that doesn’t make any sense. Neither does worrying about ghosts seeing your willy.”

Yalnız is also aware of other things he does a person living alone need not do.

“I always make my bed and keep the flat really tidy. If I get home late at night I never slam the door. I don’t know why I’m so considerate to the non-existent people I live with. This is the ideal opportunity in my life to spend all day rolling around naked on the living room floor covered in jam, crying – and I’m just wasting it.”

Story: Simon Swatman


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